Hallelujah Moments

   It's been quite a while since I've posted mostly due to moving from Michigan back to Kansas!  We've been here just over a month and still settling in.  Bruce has found a job to supplement his part time position at the church, and I'm still looking.  I don't seem to be accomplishing a lot since all of the boxes everywhere leave me feeling quite overwhelmed and in a dilemma as to where to start!
   This morning, as I was finishing my coffee, I was on Facebook and read a post from Faith & Worship, one of my favorite websites.  John Birch writes poems along with all of the wonderful worship resources he shares on the site.  Today's poem was about Hallelujah Moments-I shared it on our wall.  Hallelujah Moments-answers to prayer, the many ways God steps in to intervene, the homegoing of a loved one after suffering.  All of those moments when God has reminded us that He does indeed keep His promises and that He is indeed Faithful and True.
   As I read and re-read the poem, I realized that some of those moments are shouted loudly.  HALLELUJAH!!!  Others, are a very quiet, hal-le-lu-jah...  All mean the same thing, Thank You, LORD.  One of the Hallelujah Moments Bruce and I love to share is when we were first married and so broke we were down to our last meal-some rice, some cheese and some turnip greens with a little bit of butter that I was going to turn into a casserole.  Friends called and asked if they could come over, and did-with four bags of groceries.  The LORD had laid on their heart that we needed help.  That was a HALLELUJAH!!!  And then there has been Bruce's dad and my mom, going home after months and years of being sick.  Thank You, LORD, hal-le-lu-jah...through the tears.
   So I am considering a challenge for both myself and my friends on Facebook.  Once a week asking for Hallelujah Moments.  Maybe it's something that happened a long time ago, hopefully something this week even if it is as simple as the beauty and fragrance of a rose.  And I will be re-posting John's poem to help remind me and all of us of what is a Hallelujah Moment.  Last November, every day I posted something I was thankful for.  Maybe this is appropriate to show up now.  Halfway through the summer, we can start to forget being thankful and counting our blessings.  As we are coming up on Christmas in July, maybe we need the reminder of God's faithfulness to us and how we need to say thank you.
  So thank You, Father, for this Hallelujah Moment.  A poem that spoke so deeply to my soul and spirit, not just to be thankful for but to also put into action as I seek Your face and let You lead me.  Amen.

When Irish Eyes are Smiling...

Happy St. Patrick's Day!  Today is one of my favorite days.  I'm mostly Irish and I'm pretty sure that my Irish roots go a long ways back.  I like to think that one of my earliest ancestors knew St. Patrick and came to the LORD through his ministry.  When I'm listening to Celtic music, I want to jump up and start step dancing, but the feet just don't quite remember how to!  Sometimes I can close my eyes and see a place I've never been to, almost like there's a genetic memory there.
  Mostly today I think about the long line of feisty Irish women I've come from and three in particular-my mom, my grandma and my great grandma.  I have a stoll I wear on occasion for ministry and I had a shamrock and a butterfly embroidered on it in their memory.  They passed on to me a strong legacy of faith and a love for the LORD that I am truly thankful for.
  And when I hear "When Irish Eyes are Smiling", I think about my mom's big blue eyes and how happy she was, and her laughter.  She was much like her dad, my grandpa, who I often wondered was maybe part leprauchaun. or one of the wee people anyway.  I think about the twinkle in my grandfather's eyes-was that a Dutch twinkle or an Irish twinkle?  Probably a little of both.  And I think about how thankful I am for my family, for my ancestors, for my Irish roots, and especially for a legacy of faith that has been passed down through the centuries and even maybe millenia.
  If indeed one of St. Patrick's converts was an early ancestor, I think that he would be pleased to know that faith has had a very long lasting legacy.  So whether or not you are Irish, think today past all the silliness and such, say a prayer a thankfulness for your family and where you come from, and say a prayer of thankfulness for the legacy of faith that has been passed on to you.
Slainte!

Marital Reflections

Started typing on my Facebook page only to realize that what I had to say was longer than I wanted to post, and more appropriate for a blog.  Amazing how when you try to celebrate marriage and take a stand for the sacrament of marriage, the response you get.
  So yes, Bruce and I celebrate marriage, and believe marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman.  Not everyone sees it this way, but we do.  And we believe that marriage should be celebrated.  Does that mean we are homophobic and hate homosexuals!  NO!!!  We agree that they should be shown love and respect like everyone else.
  In response to the proposed Kansas legislation, I think it's sad it's had to come to this.  We should be able to respect each others' opinions and beliefs.  We should be able to be polite when we say, "I'm sorry.  I can't do your wedding cake.  I'm a believer in Jesus and I don't agree with same sex marriage." And the response should be just as polite.  "I understand.  I'll check with some other places."
  How can it be that is has come down to being taken to court?  And now there is proposed legislation trying to protect business owners.  Why is it even considered necessary?  My husband has yet to have to turn down doing a wedding, we don't live in a same sex state so not yet an issue.  And the thought is that clergy have the right to say no.  But what would stop a couple from taking him to court?
  Maybe "same sex friendly" signs aren't the answer.  Word on the street would probably be more effective, or a website, or a Facebook page, or an app of some kind.  I'm just trying to understand why it's not okay to have the right to say no.
  I think it's sad that business owners may have to close businesses because they are sued.  I think it's sad that we who don't believe in same sex marriage are accused of hate and bullying and being judgmental.  I'm not saying there isn't hate and bullying-I don't like the Westboro cult any more than anyone else (and no, it's not a church, not in my opinion).  There is discrimination, and on both sides. But I do really wonder sometimes who really is showing more hate and bullying.
  I think it's sad what all of this is doing to our churches and denominations.  And to our country.  And all of the communities in our country.  I accept it's not going to go away anytime soon.  But I am NOT going to change my mind about this.  And I am going to continue to speak out against same sex marriage.  Again, not with hate or fear.  But with the belief that the beliefs that fuel same sex is okay comes from the pit of hell and satan himself.  Am I going to speak out that way?  Probably just in a blog!  or with a friend that I know it's safe to say it, too.  But that is what I believe.
  And because that is what I believe, I think it is very, very sad that so many people are so very, very deceived about this issue.  And it's sad that it's not going to change.  Not until we stop being afraid of speaking out and taking a stand for what we believe-not just about same sex, but much,much more about the Gospel and Jesus' love for us and salvation through Him.   And about what the Bible teaches, and how it has the power to change and transform lives.
   So let me say it one more time.  NOT with hate or fear, but speaking the truth in love as the Bible has told us to do.  Am I being judgmental?  I don't believe so.  Speaking up for what I believe is truth as taught in Scripture is not being judgemental.  It is proclaiming the One who has come to bring us the way, the truth and the life, and what it means to be a follower of Christ.
  The reality is that some will agree with what I've said, and others will disagree, some quite strongly.  And even though I will continue to speak what I believe,  I will do my best to respect the beliefs of those who disagree with me.  Are you willing to respect mine?

Christmas Reflections

I just posted in my Christmas blog and thought why not here, too.  In fact, I think doing better with my blogs might just be a New Year's resolution.  In my other blog, I was reflection on expectations.  That is my word for 2013, "expectations".  One that I started off well with then truthfully forgot, until today. And it has been a year for challenging expectations which probably led up to this whole Christmas thing which led up to a second blog.
  It will soon be time to choose a word for 2014 so maybe I will do better blogging as I reflect on that word and how it is happening in my life.  The crock pot is now on in my brain.  I'm sure "the word" will pop out at me unexpectedly, probably 4:00 AM when I can't go back to sleep.  Then it will be time for another journey.  And in the next week, I probably should do some year end reflection on how exactly my expectations have been challenged.  But not tonight.  It's Christmas Eve and it's time to say...
  Blessed Christmas!  Remember the joy of the Lord's presence even if your Christmas is quite challenging.  It is about the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Where we would be without Him?  Still walking in the dark...so whatever your circumstances, remember:

Love has come, a Light in the darkness!

The sailor has returned!  It's been over a year since I last posted and so very much has happened since then.  Mom went home to heaven a year ago after a brave fight with Alzheimer's.  I had the joy and privilege of spending the summer with Mom and Dad, and being with Mom in her last days.  We were able to keep her at home thanks to hospice coming in.  I miss her something awful, but so very thankful things were right between us when she went home.
Last summer certainly challenged some of my theology wrestling with some why's and not having answers to Dad's questions and why's.  A year later I believe that my own personal framework of theology is beginning to take shape.  Something very helpful if I should choose to pursue ordination at some point.  I was so blessed to have a church home in Florida.  Calvary Bible Church was just five minutes away and Pastor Bob's teaching was awesome.  I really grew while attending and learned a lot.  I so appreciated the love and support of the church family, and the way they were there for me.
But it was a long hard winter, grieving and just not feeling motivated.  Coming home to the church here and watching it seemingly slowly die.  Bruce and I were challenged in the spring at the pastors' retreat to be intentional in prayer.  As I have continued to read John Piippo's blogs, we have been challenged to be Presence driven.  That is the direction we are now trying to steer the church into--Presence driven, prayer focused, listening for God's heart.  Sure feels like a hard turn into uncharted waters!
And we began a new sermon series on Sunday, put together by one of our Michigan American Baptist pastors.  It's called the "Love Your Neighbor Adventure", challenging us to recognize and reach out to those around us, both through the Sunday message and through personal prayer and devotional time.  We will also be re-starting a weekly meeting time next week.  So not easy to see where all this will lead; hopeful of possible direction and revival of the church.
And so it is time to begin blogging again.  I've made it through the first year, have heard that the second year can be tougher; so between a grieving journey and the ongoing ministry journey and the ongoing walk with Christ, the Morning Star Sailor is heading out from the harbor ready to set sail again.  Hope you drop in once in a while and see how the journey is going.  Thoughts and prayers...

It's Just Not Fair

  This will come as no surprise--life isn't fair.  I've come to the conclusion that this is one of those life lessons that's best learned early on--say, by high school.  I'm still struggling to learn and accept this.  My best friend found out last week that her job was being eliminated due to budget cuts.  And just at the end of the school year when her husband is finishing up subbing and there were so many things they wanted to do for their son.  It's not fair!  And the repercussions are so unfair especially when I think about their son who will be a senior this fall.  It's just not fair!
  And then there is my mother who has Alzheimer's.  Those of you who deal with this know how unfair this awful disease is.  I've kept a "stiff upper lip" and held on to "she's living with this."  But the disease is progressing and it may not be long before I have to accept she is now dying from AD.  It's really unfair!
  And I could post so many unfair situations happening all around me, and every one out there could add lots more.  The world in general, the way it's changing so fast, the way I can't seem to keep up--it's not fair!  But if we focus on only what is unfair, we'll become bitter and angry.  Nor do we want to put on the rose colored glasses and deny the situation.  It is what it is.
  So how do we cope with the unfairness of life?  For me, first of all, I hold on to my faith in my Heavenly Father and the relationship I have with JESUS.  My salvation is an anchor I hold on to tightly.  I confess from there, it get's harder.  I have a difficult time trusting the LORD and trusting that He has my best in mind.  That best isn't always that everything will go well--it may be hardships, testings and suffering--all those unfair things in life.  Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Plans for good and not for evil--that doesn't sound like unfair things.  But the word for good or prosper in Hebrew is Shalom, peace.  A peace that reflects GOD is in control and He is working in our lives to bring what will bring us well-being, wholeness, what is for our best.  What is for our best may not be pleasant, it may seem very unfair!
  I have learned that I have a lot of growing yet to do even though I will soon be turning 50.  I am a long way from reflecting JESUS in my life.  But that's what Christians do when they walk with the LORD--they grow and change, becoming more and more like the Master we serve   It's not easy and it often doesn't seem fair.  But a caterpillar does not become a beautiful butterfly without spinning a cocoon and going through the struggle of metamorphosis.  A caterpillar may very well think "it's not fair!" until he (or she) emerges from the chrysalis and marvels at what he's become through the creative working of the Holy Spirit.
  So this is part of my journey--struggling with "it's just not fair!"; hurting for my friend and her family; grieving for my mother as she slips away.  I do my best to hold on to my faith, which doesn't always feel like a big enough anchor, and ask the LORD to "help my unbelief:" so that whatever plan He has for my good, to make me more like Him, will come about.  I pray today these words give you some hope and encouragement as you wrestle with "it's just not fair!", and I pray that you will be reminded that there is Someone who walks with us through every struggle.  Shalom...

Sometimes It's Hard to be a Woman...

  Tomorrow is Mother's Day.  A day when we celebrate mothers and grandmothers, aunts and sisters, wives and all of the special women in our lives.  But I've been thinking about a line from an old Tammy Wynette song, "sometimes it's hard to be a woman..."  That song was "Stand By Your Man" and I'm actually not thinking about philandering husbands.  I'm really thinking about how hard it can be to have a nurturing spirit and a maternal instinct.  GOD did not bless my husband and I with children, but I have nieces and nephews, godchildren and people who have come into my life and for a while been my "children".  I know many, many women who are mothers and grandmothers and aunts, and I see not just the joy, but the pain and heartache also.  In our small congregation, we have three women who have had an adult child pass in the last year, one who had a grandson pass, her sister is also in our church, who is the aunt.  There are two who nearly lost grandsons in accidents, and most of our women have had frustrating experiences with children and grandchildren.  It can be hard to be a woman!
  I myself have felt the hurt of giving of myself in a mother like way then have that person leave my life.  Some of that hurt is mingled with joy because of the time that they were in my life.  And with others, there is disappointment because of the way the relationship has ended.  And I admit, being a pastor's wife and lay pastor, I often find myself being like Deborah in the Old Testament book of Judges.  She is described as a mother to Israel.  A woman who ruled over the people of Israel and saw not only their obedience to the LORD, but also their disobedience and their turning away.  Being a mother to those in my church has not been easy, but it's nothing compared to the pain and suffering of having a child, biological or adopted, die either in infancy or youth, or as an adult.  I can't imagine what it would be like to have a child turn away and no longer want anything to do with you.  Sometimes it's hard to be a woman! 
  I thank GOD for sending His Son, JESUS, to this earth.  JESUS lived here, raised by His mother, sisters and I'm sure aunts and cousins and other women as well.  In His three years of ministry, there were several women who were included as disciples.  Although not one of the twelve, these women were important for their support and service to JESUS and to the twelve.  And we should never think that these women were some kind of "camp follower".  They sat at JESUS' feet, being taught and learning what this new Kingdom of GOD was all about.  They were being commissioned to be sent out along with the men.  JESUS knew that if the Kingdom of GOD was going to flourish, it would need the nurturing, maternal spirit of women.  It would need our insight, our mother instinct, our ability to see what men often overlook.  It would need women to teach and mentor other women--and sometimes men, too.
  In the beginning, GOD created male and female, man and woman, Adam and Eve.  Eve was created to be a helpmate, one who completed Adam.  This has been GOD's design from the very beginning--men and women need each other.  We are created differently and it takes both in harmony together.
  So on those days when it's hard to be a woman, remember that you have been created by GOD.  Our Heavenly Father celebrates you and delights over you.  If you have accepted CHRIST as your LORD and Savior then you are a co-worker with Him, and even more, you are a daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  He knows how hard it can be, and how rewarding.  Whether you are a mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, a teacher, a case worker, even a student on a college campus, wherever in life you find yourself, chances are there is someone looking to you.  And there is someone that you look to.
  I am so thankful for the women in my life--my mother and sister, my friends, and all of the women in my church and in the faith community, who are also mothers and aunts and sisters to me.  I ask that GOD would continue to help me learn and grow so that I can be a better influence in their lives, and help them in their walk with JESUS.
  Happy Mother's Day!  And if this day is a difficult, hurtful one for you, my prayers go out to you.  I pray that the LORD will wrap His arms around you and surround you with His love and peace.  He treasures you and appreciates you, the woman He created.  There are many ways to be a mother in the Kingdom of GOD and many ways that GOD can use you to touch others' lives.  Go in peace, GOD's perfect shalom, and carry that peace as only a woman can!